Finally, there is an answer to this question, and it is a good one. The Reason Why Children are 800% Worse When Their Mothers Are Around is simple. If your child acts up in front of you it means that you are being a good mom, and doing your job just right.
The Reason Why Children Are 800% Worse When Their Mothers Are Around
As a mother of two kids, I know exactly how they can be 800% worse when I am around. If they stay with dad, they are always on their best behavior. The drama begins the second I step into the room. Why do they always act up in front of me?
After reading this amazing post from Kate Surfs, I just loved it so much I had to share it with all of you. It is so true: Kids are absolutely 800% worse when around their mothers. Check out her awesome blog for some good parenting advice.
You might also be interested in reading Top 5 Reasons Why Mothers Feel Guilty All The Time. Yes, we do feel guilty because we want to be good moms and sometimes we wonder if we are doing things right. We worry and question everything! Like when kids behave so badly when we are with them. Are they acting up because they need more attention? Are we being selfish? How much do we need to play with our kids? We just can’t help it. It is in our nature to worry because we are moms.
But don’t worry anymore! Here is the answer you have been looking for. Kate, a mom blogger, and parenting instructor reveals the “actual” reason why children are 800% worse when their mothers are around. And here comes her beautiful theory, which will make you feel a little different about those tears and tantrums, I am sure.
This Is The Answer To Why Children Are 800% Worse When Their Moms Are Around
Because YOU, mama, are their safe place. YOU are the place they can come to with all of their problems. If you can’t make something better… well, then who else can?
YOU, dear mama, are a garbage disposal of unpleasant feelings and emotions.
If a child’s been holding it together all day, in an unpleasant situation, the second they see you, they know it’s time they can finally let go.
That means letting go of whatever… whining… crying… their bowels, etc. It’s the last thing you want to deal with after having been out enjoying yourself, or after coming home, tired, from a day at work… but that’s what we, as mothers, get: the uninhibited expression of a raw emotional release, slapping us in the face, the second we stumble through the door.
You have not spoiled your kids rotten if you are greeted at the door with whining and screaming. Oh no… don’t let anyone tell you that.
Rather, you’ve created a space safe enough for your child to have permission to be natural.
And, by the way… it’s REALLY REALLY important for kids to be natural with their feelings, their emotions, and their bodily functions. When they grow up, we want our children to have highly functioning emotional intelligence and body awareness, right?
So, take it as a good sign and remember this: They save it all for you!
Do your kids start speaking tongue, crying, releasing their bowels, and clinging to you when you walk in the door? Take it as a sign that they love you and just know that I’m sending you lots of love the next time it happens because I know… Oh, I know… it drives us all bonkers-up-the-wall!
If they’re really starting to drive you totally round the bend, though, keep reading for some tips on dealing with those massive apocalyptic tantrums.
How to deal with those tantrums that they save just for you
Knowing why children are 800% worse when their mothers are around doesn’t really help us deal with the stress that comes from those massive blow-out tantrums. I mean, sure, we’re honored that they see us as their safe space, but that doesn’t stop the pounding headache that we get when they wind up to let loose, does it? So, before we say goodbye for today, I just want to go over a few tips that I learned for dealing with tantrums.
Learn to manage YOUR OWN tantrums
First things first, if you want your kids to behave you have to work on your own behavior. Specifically, your emotional control. A 2018 Bringham Young study found that moms with high emotional control have kids who behave better. Lead author Ali Crandall said, “When you lose control of your life, that impacts how you parent. That chaos both directly and indirectly influences your child’s behavior.” It makes sense, right?
When you feel yourself heating up and getting ready to throw your own tantrum (and really, that’s what yelling is- just a grown-up version of a tantrum), do the very things you tell your toddler to do- count to ten and breathe through it. Kids pick up on our stress and take their cues from us. So, if they feel you getting ready to lose control, they’ll assume that there’s something wrong and will lose control right along with you.
If you need some tips on being a calmer parent, I highly recommend reading up on the gentle parenting technique. It really helped me!
Give your kids a sense of control
Think about your own tantrums and what causes them. I’m willing to bet that 9 times out of 10 it has to do with feeling like something is out of your control. Well, that’s exactly why your toddler throws tantrums, too! A child screaming because they didn’t what they want has nothing to do with them being a spoiled brat. It’s literally all about control. They want something and they don’t understand why they can’t have it.
A 2-year-old child doesn’t understand that things cost money and that we have budgets, they just want the pretty toy that’s literally right there in front of them. They don’t understand that carrots are healthy and cake is bad for you, they just know that cake tastes better. When you tell them no, they literally DO NOT understand why. They just feel like you’ve removed their ability to control their own tiny lives.
While you may not be able to give them the exact thing that they want, you can put a little control back into their little hands. If you’re shopping, let them help pick out the things you need. Even if you present them with two of the same thing (this apple or that one, this bag of flour or that one, etc), it helps them feel like they have a say in the matter. If you’re trying to get them to eat vegetables, give them options and let them decide which one to eat. Basically, just give them as many choices as possible.
Stay calm and redirect
When tantrums happen despite your best effort, first stay calm. Yelling will only make it worse. Instead, ChildWelfare.gov recommends redirecting your child’s attention by saying something like, “Wow, look at that fire engine!” You can also try doing something funny. Make a goofy noise, pretend to fall on your behind or anything else that startles your child out of their tantrum. Don’t laugh at them, though. The goal is to get them to laugh with you, not feel like you’re making fun of them.
Manage your expectations
Above all else, make sure you’re setting reasonable expectations for your kids. As I talked about the other day, studies show that high expectations are literally damaging our children. We need to stop treating them like miniature adults and at least try to remember what it was like to be little. I highly recommend reading up on developmental psychology. You don’t have to get a degree in it or anything, but just learning about how our kids develop can really help you deal with all of the tantrums and everything else your kids throw at you.
Other Studies You Might Enjoy Reading:
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- Husbands Stress Out Women More Than Children.
- Children growing up with dogs are less likely to suffer mental health issues.
- Going to bed early is best for kids.
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I hope you enjoyed reading The Reason Why Children Are 800% Worse When Their Mothers Are Around. I instantly feel better each time I read it. It reminds me that I need to have a lot of patience. My kids really drive me crazy sometimes! For more parenting advice, check out my parenting section.
If you are interested in reading more about my blog, please take a look at my latest articles. I am a mom blogger who loves to share creative and healthy fun food ideas, family activities, natural remedies, parenting advice, DIYs, and tips for living a healthy lifestyle.