The unbreakable bond between moms and daughters
There’s a beautiful quote by a poet named Signe Hammer that goes, “Mothers of daughters are daughters of mothers and have remained so, in circles joined to circles, since time began.”
In other words, we are part of an unbroken chain going all the way back to the very beginning of humankind. Generations upon generations of mothers passing down the secrets of life, love and what it means to be a woman have forged those circles into a tungsten chain (the strongest metal on earth, and yes, I had to look it up).
Now, don’t get me wrong. Our bond with our sons is just as strong. It’s just…different. We can love our kids equally without loving them exactly the same way. Our sons wrap us around their little fingers and show us what it is like to be someone’s first love.
Our daughters, on the other hand, are like windows into our past as much as we are windows into their future. We can relate to them on a level that we can’t with our sons because we’ve experienced everything that they’re going through. Moms know what it’s like to hear things like, “girls can’t do that,” to be the first (or last) to go through puberty in our class, to fall in love and have our hearts broken for the first time, to obsess over finding the perfect prom dress.
We understand each other as no one else can
In other words, we understand each other on a deep, cellular level in a way that we can never understand our sons. Sometimes, that can lead to some interesting situations! Let’s be honest, moms and daughters definitely clash more than moms and sons. When two people are so completely alike, clashes are bound to happen.
The beautiful thing about those clashes, though, is that they only strengthen our bonds with our daughters. We come through those awkward teen years and emerge as something so much more than just a mom and her daughter. We become friends. No, more than that. We become best friends.
Mom goes from the woman you shut out of your room while screaming “I need my privacy!” to the first person you call when you need advice. From the person who sees the whites of your eyes more than anyone as you constantly roll them at her to the first person who sees the tears in them when you break up with your “true love.”
A mother is a daughter always, even when her daughter becomes a mother
I saw this beautiful quote from Adrianna Stepiano that elaborates on just how deeply we understand each other. She wrote, “I’m blessed and I couldn’t be more grateful. Do you want to know why? Because I’m a mother, but that’s only half of it. I’m blessed because, when I need to, I can still just be a daughter. I get the feeling that there is nothing more precious than to have both of these roles, simultaneously.”
We will always be daughters to our own mothers, just as our girls will be our daughters even when they become mothers. It’s really quite beautiful, the way we women get to play two very different roles at the same time. I think that’s part of why the love between daughter and mother is so strong. We are each other.
Even science agrees that moms and daughters have a unique bond
Did you know that even science agrees that moms and daughters have a unique bond? In a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, scientists explained the deep emotional connection between mothers and daughters. While the article is super heavy on science jargon, Julie Scagell of Scary Mommy does a good job of explaining it in lay terms.
Basically, it all comes down to how our brains process emotions. Scientists found that the part of our brain that processes them is more similar in moms and daughters than any other combination (like moms and sons or fathers and daughters). While it helps explain why certain conditions like panic disorder and depression so easily pass from mom to daughter, it also demonstrates what I was talking about above- how very alike moms and daughters are to each other.
Mother and daughter bonding is all about spending time together
Even if you weren’t close growing up, as long as you’re both still walking this earth it’s never too late to strengthen your mother/daughter bond. There’s really only one thing that can help you do that. What is it? Time. Let’s discuss.
The most important thing you can do- the ONLY thing that you can do- is to make time for her. Every “list of ways to bond with mom” starts with time. Everything that follows is just ideas on how to spend that time. Things like “have a spa day” or “go to lunch once a week” are great ideas and all, but “mom time” shouldn’t just be another entry on your calendar.
Stop sandwiching her between dropping off laundry at the dry cleaner and getting your teeth cleaned. She’s not something to check off on your to-do list. She’s your mom. I’m not saying you have to spend every waking moment with your mom, but you need to make REAL time for her.
One of my friends came up with a great way to really bond with her mom even though they’re. She’s writing her mom’s biography. She’s just doing it for fun and it’ll just be something that stays in the family, but she’s treating it as though she was a professional biographer writing about a famous person. If you want to give it a try, I found these tips on writing your parent’s memoirs.
I just think that is such a fun and creative way to spend time with mom and learn more about your entire family history from her point of view. We often see our moms as just that- moms. But just like you are more than just a parent, so are they.
Your mom had an entire life before you came along, while she was raising you, and after you moved out to start her own family. Turn that life into a beautiful memoir that you can pass down throughout the generations. Later, your daughter can do the same for you, then her daughter for her. It’s such a wonderful way to connect each generation to their past and create a chain of bonds between mothers and daughters and mothers and daughters…and so on.
Mothers and daughters are a force of nature
I’ll leave you with one last beautiful quote about the bond between moms and daughters. This one comes from Melia Keeton-Digby and says, “Mothers and daughters together are a powerful force to be reckoned with.” As long as we have mom by our sides- or in our hearts if she can’t be there physically- we’re unstoppable.