Contrary to popular belief, raising your son to be a mama’s boy is not a bad thing. In fact, you may just be doing him a huge favor! There’s even scientific evidence to prove it. Find out why, along with the benefits that last well beyond childhood.
Raising Your Son to Be A Mama’s Boy Is A Good Thing
In our society, when someone says, “He’s such a mama’s boy,” they rarely mean it in a good way. What they’re really saying is he’s weak, spoiled, insecure, or totally dependent on his mother.
A simple search of the term brings up articles with “signs” to watch out for to avoid mama’s boys and tips on “dealing” with them if you still end up dating one. The internet has spoken. Mama’s boys are the worst.
But this is not true at all. On the contrary, boys that are cared for by and attached to their mothers develop a great sense of security. They become emotionally stronger and more independent as they grow up.
Mama’s boys are also less prone to violence and have a deeper respect for women. They’re even healthier both mentally and physically. Unfortunately, what’s true and what society believes to be true are often two totally different things.
Society thinks we should feel guilty if we have a mama’s boy. We mothers feel guilty all the time as it is! We don’t need yet another item to add to the list of “things we’re probably doing totally wrong.” In this case, though, rest assured that you have no reason at all to fret. In fact, science says you’re actually doing the right thing.
Science Says Raising Your Son to Be A Mama’s Boy Is A Good Thing
There’s actually scientific proof that the close mother-son bond is healthy and beneficial. Research done by the University of Reading shows that the mother-son relationship is key to emotional development. The researchers analyzed 69 different studies with a combined total of nearly 6,000 subjects.
They discovered that kids, especially boys, with secure attachments to their mom had fewer behavior issues overall throughout their childhoods. On the flip side, kids who didn’t have a strong bond with their mom ended up with more issues.
“More specifically, our analysis showed that children with insecure attachments to their mothers, particularly boys, had significantly more behavioural problems, even when the behavioural problems were measured years later,” researcher Dr. Fearon explains.
If you need more convincing that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with raising a mama’s boy, let’s take a look at a few other studies.
- A 2011 Society for Research in Child Development found that boys who have difficult relationships with their moms were more likely to become teen “delinquents.”
- A 2012 study dispelled the myth that mama’s boys are somehow “feminized” and lose their masculinity, which was a ridiculous myth to begin with!
- A 2010 study by the American Psychological Association found that boys that were close to their moms experienced better physical mental health overall.
Let’s look at that second study a little closer because it has some interesting results.
Mama’s Boys Are Healthier Overall
According to the 2010 APA study, boys who were close to their mothers tended to exhibit fewer of the negative stereotypes associated with “hyper-masculine” behavior. In other words, they didn’t feel the need to act like “tough guys” all of the time. That actually improves both their physical and mental health in the long run.
See, men who were raised hearing things like “be a man” or “boys don’t cry” are less likely to seek both physical and mental medical help when they really need it, according to the study. Boys who had closer relationships with their moms, on the other hand, didn’t feel the need to fit into a stereotype. They were more emotionally secure overall. In other words, they didn’t feel like their masculinity was in question if they actually asked for help when they needed it.
Mama’s boys aren’t as prone to violence
Let me be clear up front, I am in no way saying that raising your son to NOT be a mama’s boy will increase his risk of becoming a violent criminal. However, a 2018 research paper presented by the APA shows that, based on several studies, hyper-masculinity does tend to breed violent behavior.
One quote from the paper really stands out. “Masculine ideals, such as the restriction of emotional expression and the pressure to conform to expectations of dominance and aggression, may heighten the potential for boys to engage in general acts of violence including, but not limited to, bullying, assault, and/or physical and verbal aggression.”
We’ve already learned that “mama’s boys” tend to be more emotionally secure, so it’s not a leap to assume that they are less likely to engage in violent behavior.
Mama’s Boy Myths (and How to Shut Them Down)
If you’ve ever read through any of those “don’t date a mama’s boy” articles, you’ve probably come across at least a few common “reasons” that are nothing more than outdated myths. Let’s take a look at the most popular along with arguments against them.
Myth #1: He’ll never be truly independent
There’s an assumption that we’re teaching our sons that they can’t get by without us by “babying” them and doing everything for them. In fact, the opposite is true. Mama’s boys are actually more independent in the long run because they’ve learned skills not just from their fathers, but from their mothers as well.
For example, many adult men of our generation actually know how to cook and sew, things that used to be called “women’s work” by our grandparents’ generation. Mama’s boys aren’t just more independent, but they’re helping break through gender norms.
Myth #2: He’ll think his mom is always right and will never question her
What a ridiculous myth, right? People assume that we moms are somehow instilling this belief in our sons that we can do no wrong, and that they have to do everything our way. That couldn’t be farther from the truth, at least in our home.
I raise my kids- both my son and daughter- to think for themselves. Questions are encouraged, and if my kids have a better solution or come up with a different way of doing things, I’m all ears. I also encourage them to listen to other people’s ideas and to consider trying new ways to do things.
Myth #3: He’ll tell mom everything and talk to her too much
One article about dating mama’s boys claimed that mama’s boys will “spend more time texting his mom than you.” First, if my son’s future girlfriends ever feel like he’s not texting them enough, I hope that they’d be confident enough to discuss it with him rather than just arbitrability blaming me. We all want our kids to be with people who challenge them and complete them.
Second, there is absolutely nothing wrong with raising a child who is comfortable talking to you about anything and everything. I want my kids to feel like there are no off-limit topics. That way, if they’re ever in trouble, they’ll know that I’m here for them.
Do I expect my son to tell me everything when he’s all grown up and out on his own? Of course not! I just want him to know that he has that option.
Myth #4 Mama’s boy lack “drive”
Another one that drives me nuts is the assumption that raising a mama’s boy means handing everything to your son on a silver platter. There’s a HUGE difference between a mama’s boy and a “spoiled” child. I’ve known plenty of women who were handed everything they wanted by their parents, too, so it’s not just “mama’s boys.”
I don’t spoil my children. I raise both my son and daughter to know the value of hard work. That way, when they succeed, they’ll know it’s because of their efforts and not mine. I support, encourage, and cheer them on, but I don’t step in and hand them their victories.
Myth #5: Mama’s boys are “weak”
Out of all of the myths about mama’s boys, this one bothers me the most because it equates being a compassionate human being who generally cares about others and who isn’t afraid to show emotion with “weakness” or “sissiness.” In fact, the opposite is true, in my opinion.
It takes a very strong man to throw off generations of conditioning and feel comfortable expressing himself. That so-called “weakness” should be something that every parent strives to instill in all of their children. We don’t want to raise kids who are so scared of crying that they bottle everything up until they implode.
We want both our sons and daughters to feel like they can be themselves and share their feelings.
Raising a Mama’s Boy is Totally Okay!
Mothers of both sons and daughters should worry less about getting caught up in “perception” and what other people think. Boys and girls have equal needs and have equal feelings. Why are we still even talking about how we’re “supposed” to raise boys?
I am raising my son to be a “mama’s boy”, and I am very proud of it. I want to make sure he knows it is okay to cry, have feelings, and show his emotional side.
Attachment gives children a sense of security. It makes them feel protected and accepted unconditionally. The bond made by mothers and their children has very unique characteristics and is extremely important for all human beings.
So, are you raising your son to be a mama’s boy?
If you suspect your son is a mama’s boy, be thankful. He will most likely grow up happier, healthier, and more emotionally secure. Being a mama’s boy is a good thing!
Mothers have a very unique connection with their kids. Want to learn more about it? Check out my The Reason Why Children Are 800% Worse When Their Mothers Are Around.
Carole says
There is nothing harder than being the wife of a mama’s boy! Mama will always come first. Mama is always right. Nothing you do will ever measure up to mama. Mama does it this way… UGH!
Alex says
Exactly. These women who raise mamas boys only think about themselves instead of whats best for their kid and his future wife. They infantilise their sons and forget another woman has to deal with all of that
Melissa says
Would you rather have a partner that respects his mother and treats her well, and in doing so treats you just aswell or better than her? Or would you rather a partner who hides thier emotions because he was taught not to cry or to “be a man” that mentality leads to many men suffering mental illness in silence and denying he needs help also more likely to become an abusive partner because he doesn’t relate to or care about female emotions? Not all momma’s boy’s act like that and it’s exactly that mentality that makes people look down on and talk badly about a man who loves his mother.
Antigoverment says
Totally understand my dad that way mom still with him keep reminding him how grateful he got understanding wife most women dumped his ass by now. Dad got opportunity to to move from America to a high paid job in Canada turned down the offer because he wanted be around his mother who’s a complete narcissist like him. I remind him constantly we could had a far better life there. Mom constantly has to care for him do everything because he has multiple sclerosis in scooter so at least you do not have to feed bath and care for him I love dad a lot but he can be a complete narcissist so thank God you do have to deal with that but can totally understand.
Farida says
Completely agree with you girl ! I’m married to one and its dreadful just mentioning her name boils his blood, horrible. So scientifically it’s not completely true unless the guy himself is a angel
Marina says
I think it’s important to teach all children to be able to be open with, and express their emotions; not just boys – girls have emotional difficulties and struggles too.
J says
Women make terrible parents. They are now raising their sons just like they raise their daughters and thinking that is normal. Your son is NOT a girl and therefore should not be raised like one. You are the reason more boys are coming out as gay and saying they want to be identified as “women”.
Sissy mamas boys make terrible husbands and every woman knows that
Antigoverment says
Exactly know we’re you come from i had close friends ended up that way. Women do make bad parents .
A B says
mamas boys are hell for wives but typical women/mothers only thinking about themselves instead of how her cr@ppy parenting will effect another woman in the future
Bob says
Why compare sons to daughters? Girls and boys are very different and should be raised differently. Women who think like you are the reason boys are becoming transgender these days.
Its ok for daughter to be attached and not a son because boys should be independent. How can they lead households and the world when they are still stuck to mommys tit. Women ruin sons with their feminine thinking. Emotions are weakness so you encourage weakness as well?!
Creative Healthy Family says
I strongly disagree with you.
Cat M says
Fab article . Some very sexist responses that are baffling me . My toddler son is very close to me and I hope that gives him the resolve to be emotionally strong and respectful to women. I do not expect to be the most important women in his life when he is grown and will not interfere with his life choices . I see my role as to give him the tools to thrive in life himself. That will be my greatest achievement.
Kelly says
You are completely not understanding how it works. A momma’s boy learns to be independent and thoughtful and empathetic to others who are suffering. That’s called being a gentleman. It also teaches boys to respect women. What you are referring to is NOT a mommas boy What you’re referring to is a narcissistic spoiled child in a man’s body. If your partner or spouse acts the way you say it IS BECAUSE THE MOTHER/SON RELATIONSHIP WAS EITHER NONEXISTENT OR POORLY PLAYED CHILD REARING. Know the difference.
Andy says
Typical woman to ignore countless other studies that disprove this and try to justify her bad parenting with a one study.
Boys are not girls and should not be raised like you weak pathetic emotional cry baby vaginas. Do you also let your son play with dolls and wear dresses? Stupid c unt
Ted says
I cant believe this article. The author is either joking or must be an extreme far left Democrat!! LOL What is our society coming to!
Just me says
As a single mother of 2 girls and 1 boy….I find that you all are ignorant!! All 3 of my kids are different and had to have different discipline and different levels of care. My oldest (girl) very independent as a young child, as a teenager more emotional and cares what people think. My middle, also a girl, more attached to me as a young child, now teenager, could care less what people think about her and speaks her mind and stands up for what she believes in. My girls are 11 months and 15 days apart.
My youngest, boy, totally a mommas boy, but independent, emotional, but still wants hugs from mom when sad. He was taught to be ok in being sad, angry, happy whatever emotion he was feeling is ok. He has been taught MANNERS AND CHIVALRY, which more and more “MEN” are lacking these days. Will any one of them be “gay”…who really cares!! They all came out of me and I will love them unconditionally…I would rather have a mommas boy then some testosterone raging idiot…who doesn’t talk thru their emotions because they will be seen as weak. You are all weak from what i have read. And to you “ladies” who don’t like being married to a mommas boy…. there is probably a reason their mother doesn’t like you… maybe you dress like a prostitute… pretty women was just a movie….lol…so from all us momma boy mothers you can kiss our A#$!. You’re daughters will thank us later in life that they didn’t marry their jock of a father. Haters gonna hate. 😜🤘
Rosanna Spencer says
Thank you!! Well said…I totally agree with you. Single parent as well. I raised 2 girls 1 momma’s boy. wouldn’t change a thing. 💙
Beverly Terry says
Fabulous comment. Thanks “Just Me”
Alison Bourke says
Well said Thankyou, the problem being a jealous wife of the son and mother relationship which is also called respect.
Topgun says
😄😆🤣 Too funny. I think it is great you are taking up for raising a “mama’s boy”. I think many times mama’s boys can be seen in a negative connotation. I believe it really depends on how a mother raises her son. Personally, I believe on raising a boy to be confident and independent. To also have manners and to treat a woman with respect. I don’t think each child regardless of the sex is treated or “raised like a girl”. My goal as a parent is to raise my children to be productive, strong and independent. Emotion is God-given and not considered a weakness, it is what makes us human. It gives us the ability to have compassion for one another.
Kevin says
This article is ludicrous in its total content. The publisher and the writer need to look at real life issues for mommy’s boy. When we are born we know very little of life, but when we begin to understand, we reach the bridge of life. Once there we see the men on the right of the bridge and the women on the left. The boys go to the right and the girls go to the left, not the opposite.
The point is, boys should not be allowed or encouraged to go on the women’s side and learn female mannerisms. In early childhood we learn default settings on whatever side on the bridge we belong and we are programmed to remember this. We have a need to return to the default settings because that is where we feel secure in our stress and pain. We think we want something different, but what we do is set up dramas that ensure we end up back at the default.” That’s not to say educated and privileged men are less likely to be misogynists. This is a classless, international and transhistorical fact and can damage any boy/man.
An English professor wrote a book in the 80s and described boy with female tendencies can grow to hate women, and become Misogamist, and marriage does suffer with them because most women will not tolerate men who want things their own way, ways learned from patterns from the mother. They can grow up with narcissistic tendencies and make women’s lives miserable, and you only have to go to YouTube and see it. I could go on because this subject is extensive in nature but I won’t. I think this article lacks anything positive and they certainly have not investigated this subject thoroughly enough.
Fiorella Shaw says
What a load of rubbish, as well as 3 daughters I have 6 boys , I am half Italian so I have smothered my kids with plenty of hugs and kisses, my youngest boy I breast fed for nearly 5 years , he always loved sitting next to me and always enjoyed a cuddle. He is a man of nearly forty and after getting in with a girl does not speak to me and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. I have sent him so many messages asking at least what I had done but no reply, I have begged him to answer me but no reply, my other children have said to just leave him be, how can I not feel so hurt, my heart is breaking. What do I do.
Logicalshitsandgiggles says
Nice article, well said.
Holy insecurity most of the commenters…the level of insecurity and lack of emotional intelligence screams off the charts. Would suck to be in their life.
Oliva says
Are you fucking serious right now my dad is a huge mommas boy and I can’t even describe the “bond” we have .It is very unhealthy to not have boundaries between mother and son,because of that, my dad is doesn’t know between the love for his mom and his family .So no,being a mommas boy is so unhealthy to an extent .
Stann says
There are healthy “mommas boys” and emeshed mothers/sons. I have brothers who grew up having the healthy “mommas boys” traits and dated the latter. As adults, you can guess which one has healthy (close) relationships, with women, outside of their mother. A mommas boy loves his mother, it’s the emeshed relationship where I think the “mommas boy” gets the bad reputation.
Christine Price says
. – The last spiritual assignment of mine as a parent is to let my son go and I’m too take the loss. It’s not up to him to cushion the blow as I graciously let him go. I’ll be grateful to have visits with him from time to time.
I gave him life that allows him to enter into his own journeys. He came through me but not of me. He does not belong to me. My moral duty is to foster his independence and not be in his way. Not use my dependence of him as an impediment to him to have a life and be able to operate out there with an independent soul. I can’t protect him bc they’ll be snakes in his garden either way. What I need to do is to give him strength instead of protection. So that he can protect himself. If I don’t let him fall he won’t know how to stand.
Healthy boys are attached to mom til age 6 then dad til age 12 then other male mentors after that.
Enmeshment can ruin a life forever.
tj says
It is so obvious that the same troll wrote many of the comments on this article. He is probably a mommas boy somewhere in the middle east.
Cindy says
Great article, thank you for your insights.
I will say it totally cracks me up that some of the folks commenting think that being a Mama’s Boy will make them gay 🤣😆😂
What century are we living in?!
Best laugh I’ve had in a long time!
JJ says
I think the problem with the term “mama’s boy” or “momma’s boy” is that it pretends to encompass too much.
For starters, to me personally, the term is derogatory and insulting – even though I’ve never been called that. But it shouldn’t be so encompassing because there are positives and negatives to it, and not all positives or negatives are due to, or derived from, the way a mother raises her child. A male child (or man) learns many things throughout life (some good, some not so good, and sometimes really bad things too) so a woman whose husband or boyfriend turns out to be ‘deemed’ a momma’s boy (simply because he chooses to be a good son by not turning his back in adulthood to his own family – count me in that bunch, btw) cannot blame the man’s mother, or the fact that he was raised as a “momma’s boy,” for all the not-so-good things about him in the way he treats her. I, for example, left my parents’ home right after turning 18. I wanted to make it on my own. Yet I never abandoned my parents. I always sought them out, called them, visited when I could, and ALWAYS did what I could to make sure they had what they needed in old age because they raised me and gave me life… and because they were both great parents, folks that cared about me. Yet, I see now people on Reddit calling out men who care about their mothers and demonizing them by calling them “momma’s boy.” They claim that a man should not help his mother or his family financially or in any way; that he should give everything he has to his wife or girlfriend or significant other, if he’s in a relationship. That to me is nothing but nonsense.
Also, I find it so annoying that people always seem to call out people of the male gender for being so-called “momma’s boy,” yet you’ll never hear any criticism against women who behave like “momma’s girls” or daddy-girls (if you were to apply the same term). There is so much gender bias in the world!