I came across a meme recently that said strong women would rather be alone than spend their lives with jerks. It made me think about all of the single women I know who are more than content to stay single, and what we can all learn from them. Let’s discuss!
Strong Women Would Rather Be Alone Than Spend Their Lives with Jerks
As a happily married woman, I know how lucky I am to have a partner that loves and supports me. After all, even science says that a supportive spouse truly is a secret to success. If I didn’t have such a great spouse, I’d probably choose to just spend my life alone.
That said, since I do have that good fortune, I spent some time talking to a few women friends who are going it alone for some insight. From single moms raised by other single moms to friends who chose being alone over an abusive relationship, I’m sharing what I learned about strong women who made the decision to stand completely on their own.
Single moms would rather raise kids alone than with the wrong person
I reached out to my single mom friend Nancy up north for her take on the topic. She’s not only a single mom to her teenage son, but also supporting her own mom as well. If anyone could use an extra hand around the house, it’s definitely her!
So, why would she rather be alone than spend her life with someone less than ideal? Here’s what she told me:
“It took a long time for me to get comfortable with the idea of being alone. I’ve always felt that I couldn’t be happy unless I was in love. That led to some really awful choices. Really awful. Let’s just say I made a lot of mistakes, gave up a big chunk of my soul to men who took far more than they gave.”
She goes on to explain that she finally decided she was better off alone than exposing her child to her bad choices. “I’d rather raise him on my own than with men who set a horrible example,” she said. “If it were just me, I’d probably still be making bad choices. I needed to find my strength and embrace being alone for his sake. The amazing thing? After a lifetime of giving up everything for men who gave nothing in return, I finally realized that I’m so much happier on my own! I feel so free!”
Independent women choose themselves over society’s idea of a “perfect life”
Society tells us that a woman isn’t complete without a husband, a few kids, a dog or two, and a house with a white picket fence. It’s pretty much been that way since the dawn of time. Yet more and more women are choosing to eschew those stereotypes and make a life for themselves…and by themselves. Some put off getting married for years beyond the old “norms,” while others put it off forever.
According to Psychology Today, many of these women choose to focus on themselves before they even think about starting a family. They’re getting degrees, starting businesses, traveling with girlfriends (or solo!), and just enjoying putting themselves first. After all, once we have kids, we never, ever, ever get to put ourselves 100% first again. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t give up the life I have for anything, but my kids and their needs will always come before mine. Every now and then, I do miss those days when I was the only person I really needed to worry about.
When (IF) these strong single women decide to start families, they feel confident that they’re doing it on their own terms instead of just because society tells them to do so, and that they’ve found a person who truly values them for who they are. They won’t compromise and spend their lives with jerks because they value themselves too much for that.
Women who escape traumatic relationships find the strength to stand alone
Perhaps the strongest woman of all is the one who dug her way out of an abusive and traumatic relationship, then said, “Never again!” Far too often, women escape one traumatic relationship only to find themselves in another. It takes incredible power to overcome years of conditioning, years of manipulative mind games and abject terror and get themselves out of that life for good.
I spoke to a friend on the condition of anonymity about this. She spent 10+ years in an abusive relationship before a women’s organization helped her get out. She said, “You hear that you’re worthless, that you’re an unlovable cow, that no one wants you, no one needs you, no one loves you. You hear this over and over and over until you believe it. No. You don’t just believe it, you know it. Deep down, in your core, you know that you’re nothing.
So, when you finally find the courage and the strength to get out from under that- to really get out- you swear to yourself that you’ll never go back. Even if it means being alone forever, even if it means being lonely forever. You’ll never go back.”
She continued, saying that it took her years to realize that there’s actually a difference between being alone and being lonely. Today, she’s fully embraced life as a single woman. She would rather spend every last minute of the rest of her life alone than ever go back to a jerk.
What can we learn from these strong women?
As we saw, strong women would rather be alone than spend their lives with jerks for so many reasons. Some do it for their kids, others for their careers, and still others to literally save their own lives. They all have one thing in common, though. Each one will tell you that being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. After all, you’re in the very best company possible: your own!
That’s a lesson we can all use. We all need to be comfortable with and in our own company. We also need to remember that it’s okay to put ourselves first sometimes, to chase our dreams, to “just say no” to living on society’s terms, to live life on our terms. For some of us, that includes spending our lives with an amazing partner. If it doesn’t, though, that’s totally okay. Bottom line-it’s better to be alone than to dedicate your heart and soul to someone who doesn’t value you.