Lewis Carroll once said, “Courtesy is a small act but it packs a might wallop.” I couldn’t agree more! Being polite and courteous towards others costs us literally nothing aside from maybe (MAYBE) a few seconds of our time, but its value is utterly priceless. Let’s discuss.
Courtesy Costs Nothing, But Its Value is Priceless
Is it just me, or is common courtesy becoming increasingly uncommon these days? It seems like everywhere I go, both in person and online, people are ruder and meaner than ever. Tempers are shorter, patience is limited, and basic human decency seems to have gone right out the window.
During a 20-minute trip to the store the other day I saw two drivers cut people off, one car that purposely moved up to block someone from turning into traffic, a lady with an overflowing shopping cart race to get to the checkout before an elderly woman with a basket holding two items, and one man snapping at a clearly overwhelmed pharmacist because his prescription wasn’t ready yet.
I don’t know, maybe I’m being too pessimistic. Perhaps it’s not that people are necessarily meaner overall. Maybe they’re just less courteous in general and it makes the nasty people stand out. Like, there’s a lack of balance or something.
After all, as Julita Davies said, “Courtesy is sometimes imperceptible, but its absence turns out to be poignant.” In other words, people may not always notice your tiny good deeds, but they’ll definitely notice when you’re being rude.
Courtesy is kindness without reason prompted by a heart full of love
Before we go further, we should probably make sure we’re on the same page regarding what courtesy actually means. B.C. Forbes (yes, that Forbes) said,
“Courtesy is doing that which nothing under the sun makes you do but human kindness. Courtesy springs from the heart; if the mind prompts the action, there is a reason; if there be a reason, it is not courtesy, for courtesy has no reason. Courtesy is goodwill, and goodwill is prompted by the heart full of love to be kind. Only the generous man is truly courteous. He gives freely without a thought of receiving anything in return.”
In other words, these small acts of human decency come from our desire to be good people, plain and simple. Courtesy is kindness. It’s goodwill towards humankind. It’s given without a single thought of what we’ll get in return.
Nothing is ever lost by courtesy (and nothing is gained by rudeness)
As I said at the beginning of this post, courtesy costs us nothing aside from a second or two of our time. Sometimes, it doesn’t even cost us that much. Let’s go back to those rude people in the example above.
The drivers that cut others off in traffic would have lost nothing by waiting their turn. In fact, one could argue that they actually stole time from the people they cut off. But their act of rudeness could have cost them AND others everything had they caused an accident if the other drivers didn’t manage to slam on their brakes on time.
The person who inched up to make sure another car couldn’t get into traffic would have arrived at their destination a few seconds (if that) later if they let that person in. They really gained nothing from their rudeness. But what if the person trying to get into traffic was on their way to visit a dying loved one? What if everyone lacked basic courtesy and they missed the chance to say goodbye because of it?
The woman with the full cart may have spent an extra minute or two in line waiting for the elderly woman to check out with her two items. Technically, the elderly woman would have gotten there first if the rude lady (RL) didn’t cut her off, so again, technically RL stole that extra time. But what if that elderly woman takes a bus, and missed it because of RL? What if she has a bad back and actually suffered because she had to stand there waiting for the next bus?
The guy snapping at the pharmacist wouldn’t have lost even a millisecond by being polite. In fact, he would have gained time, since he spent a good minute griping. But what if the clearly overwhelmed pharmacist decided that if one more person treated her with disrespect, she was quitting? What if the griping guy was that last straw? What if she quit right then and there, and someone who desperately needed their medication had to wait until someone else came in to fill it? What if they ended up in the hospital or worse because of it???
Yes, I know, these are some pretty dramatic and statistically unlikely worst-case “what if” scenarios. But when courtesy costs us nothing to give, why even take the chance of letting rudeness cost someone else everything?
We lose so very little by being decent toward others. A negligible amount of time, if even that. But when we’re rude to someone, when we act out of selfishness, heartlessness, and even indifference, we not only gain nothing, but we can cost others something far more than a few milliseconds.
You can’t expect courtesy if you won’t give it in return
Honestly, it shouldn’t matter whether we gain or lose something by being courteous. Going back to Forbes’ quote, we shouldn’t be looking for a reason to be decent human beings anyway. But if you really feel like you do need a reason, I think the “golden rule” is a good enough one.
Simply put, you cannot expect others to be kind and decent towards you if you refuse to be a kind and decent human being yourself. We’re all inherently deserving of courtesy from others simply because we’re all human. However, no one is entitled to receive it just because they have money, fame, or power. You’re not better than me and I’m not better than you, plain and simple.
You also can’t think “Oh, I’ll only be courteous to others if others are courteous to me.” I think that’s why so many people are rude these days. It’s like we’re “banking” acts of kindness towards us, and once we feel like we have enough only then do we decide to give it to others. Basic human decency shouldn’t be like a coffee shop punch card where we wait until we get enough to give it back for free. If we do that, no one will ever be kind to anyone again.
Courtesy shouldn’t be something we turn on to impress others
Human decency and basic courtesy also shouldn’t be something that we turn on and off like a faucet. If you only have manners in front of certain people, then you’re not a polite person…you’re just a good actor. If you only hold the door open for strangers when you’re with someone you want to impress, you’re not a courteous person…you’re just a good actor. If you only say please and thank you because you’re trying to score a promotion at work…well, you get the point!
You can’t turn it on to make yourself look good then turn it off again when no one is looking. If you’re doing that, then you’re putting on an act…not genuinely being a good person.
How you treat others when no one is looking is the true measure of greatness
As I’ve said before, how you treat people is the true measure of character. I’ll amend that now a bit to how you treat others when no one is looking is the true measure of greatness.
If you let someone into traffic, no one but that person will ever know that you did something kind. If you hold a door for a stranger, they may say “thanks,” but chances are they won’t remember you for it tomorrow. If you purposely walk a little slower so that an elderly woman makes it to the checkout line before you, not a single person will know that you did something courteous.
But all of those tiny acts of basic human decency without an audience say more about your character than the greatest act of kindness performed in front of an amphitheater’s worth of viewers.
Courtesy is about doing the right thing when no one is watching simply because you know it’s the right thing to do.
A small act of courtesy could be a silver lining in someone’s bad day.
I’ll leave you with one last quote. Bryant McGill said, “Courtesy is a silver lining around the dark clouds of civilization; it is the best part of refinement and in many ways, an art of heroic beauty in the vast gallery of man’s cruelty and baseness.”
Being courteous costs you absolutely nothing, but that tiny bit of kindness could very well mean everything to someone else. Someone could be having a horrible day and be feeling like this world is nothing but cruelty and misery. Maybe holding the door for them or letting them into traffic won’t completely turn their day around. Buy maybe, just maybe, it will.
Maybe it’ll be the sign they need from the universe that there are still good people in this world. Any maybe, just maybe, it’ll tip the scales for them and help them get through a really rough patch.
Or maybe not. Who knows? It doesn’t matter, though. Courtesy costs nothing to give, so why not give it freely for no reason other than it’s the right thing to do?
Leave a Comment